I wish this wasn't true. I wish I was just blogging about how cute my sons are. Nope. Today, my back hurts. From my 8 year old son, picking up a massive piece of ice, and, while I was not looking, hurling it at my back. It happened on the walk to school- 8:40am or something, and it's noon and I am still fuming about it.
Let me give you the lead up. I'm doing a touring show I co-wrote and co-star in. It's a 50 Shades of Grey parody and is killing it all over the US so I am flying all over to do this show. I am missing my husband and kids every time I go away, but I want to do it, so I go. A lot of moms don't go. My career is coming back, the kids are getting older (6 and 8) so I go. I'm freaking racked with guilt, but I go. I'm on stage in front of thousands of women and I am getting paid for it. I should go.
But the days leading up to me going, I get guilty, sad, overly-loving. I am leaving today, in 2 hours the limo is coming to drive me to the airport. Last night, with Dave at soccer, I enjoyed dinner and a movie with my gorgeous sons. We ate our dinner in front of the TV (don't tell Dave) and Nathan, my ice-hurling 8 year old, and I lay on the couch together, hugging, me stealing kisses from him, and tickling each other. And Nathan kept trying to pick my nose and stick his finger (with snot) in my mouth. Fun boy-mother stuff. And then I read to them, hugged and kissed them some more, and put them to bed.
This morning, on the walk to school, Nathan was pouty. His mittens were wet. Yesterday afternoon, he was throwing snowballs at me on the walk home from school. I told him he could not throw snowballs at Jakey, but he could throw them at me. As a result his mittens were wet this morning. I had them on the heater all night but they were still slightly wet. So I handed him his wet mittens. I even offered to give him a different, drier pair, but he refused. And then I guess he was mad about the wet mittens, and somehow that was my fault, so while I was holding Jake's hand, walking with the boys to school, Nathan decided to pay me back (about the mittens?) with a big piece of ice. I didn't see him coming. I just got hit really hard in the back. I'm not even sure that it's about the mittens. All I know is that I got hit in the back with a huge block of ice and I didn't see it coming.
It hurt. I cried. I grabbed Nathan by the shoulders and told him off. I am about to get on a plane for 7 days and this is my goodbye? Freaking kids. You know, we are not the only family walking to school- so lots of parents and kids heard me using cuss words at my son. My mind whirled- thinking about what the frig I am doing wrong that no man in my life values me. I told Nathan "I am your mother! You should love me and protect me like I am your Queen!" It reminded me of when I was yelling at some boyfriend who broke my heart by sleeping around with someone else while we were in a committed relationship: "I am the prize! I am the prize!" (See my one hour comedy special Not Getting It for reference. Link below.) Anyway, I have to stop fuming and start packing. Yes, start packing. It's not like I am lounging around doing my shit. I have kids and a step daughter and a husband. And I put myself at the bottom of the list. I did forgive Nathan and hug him and get him to school on time. But boy, if we were dating, I'd totally break up with him. And you bet Jake is my favourite son today. I hugged Jakey as I was getting him into daycare this morning. "You would never do that to Mommy, would you Jakey?" Me still on about the ice-attack. "No Mommy," Jake assured me, "I even told you -LOOK OUT." See. I'm going to the prom with Jake.
http://vimeo.com/28627618
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