Saturday, February 23, 2013

Parenting and The Secret

My husband gave me hell yesterday. Yesterday morning my six year old said he wanted an ipad and I said "sure!" Because I'm all about abundance you see. I've read The Secret. Dave (my husband... who gave me The Secret but did not read it. Men.) was irritated: "Mommy. (We call each other Mommy and Daddy... I know that seems old fashioned but I came from 20 year of dating players unsuccessfully or successfully if quantity is the measure of achievement- and I dove into my role of Mommy for all the bells and whistles- only. As in I like the idea of being a mother: being called Mommy. The reality... another story). Anyhoops, Dave is all "Mommy. Please don't tell this one you are getting him an ipad if you're not. I picked him up at daycare and he's jumping around saying "Mommy's getting me an ipad" and I have to be the one to burst his bubble." I flush red. I'm not not getting him an ipad. I am allowed to say that. "But I am getting Jakey an ipad. Sometime." Jake, who is standing there, doesn't know if he should cry or be excited. We are definitely giving these kids an emotional workout, at the very least. "Well, Jake thought you meant today. So, be careful about your empty promises." Argh. I don't make empty promises. I do the opposite of what my parents did: I give hope. Yes yes yes to everything. If Jake wants an ipad, let's get him an ipad. It's an Abundant Universe, right? Anyone? Apparently, you have to give the kids some sort of hard answers and solid expectations so I guess that's why Dave and I are married: we balance each other out and the kids are going to turn out alright. But I know I was raised in a household with one income and four kids and everything was a budget line item. There were no extras. So I am determined to have extras for my kids. Because I have my own ways of making money. And my own credit cards. And I've read The Secret. I'm visualizing cheques in the mail right now, thank you very much. Look, I'd rather say to Jakey "Sure! Let's get you an ipad! Let's look at what it costs online. Let's save your allowance. Let's find out if it's on sale. Let's believe it is possible... Let's call Gramma." than "no." I'm not so good with no. My own childhood issues to be sure. So... maybe I am a bad mom making empty promises. Or maybe I am a good improvisor, "Yes, and..." My Second City days at work. Look things are changing in our world and that is certain. And one thing that I can tell you for sure that is different is that some parents these days (okay me, at least) might not be so quick with the word no. Let's see if Jakey turns out to be a selfish white man. Or a limitless creator. Or a guy with issues because his mother gave him empty promises. I guess I have an ipad to get now... xoxo AMS

1 comment:

Andrew Joseph said...

I hear ya. Being the only one with the income now, I recall being spoiled rotten by my parents, and I do not want my child to have less than me.
While I might agree with the iPod or iPad or iPhone for my 7-year-old son - like, WHY do you want one (because so and so has one), and then determine how I might get one before saying yea or nay, I do see where you are coming from.
Daddy is correct, however... (I new a woman who wanted me to spank her while she called me Daddy - whatever)... you do have to be careful about saying what you will get and not get your kids. They do take everything literally, and expect that if you say you will get them something that you will get it for them now.
Many a time my son has grabbed his coat and said let's go and get blah-blah-blah, and I'm left having to explain that I meant when I have the money.
Kids don't understand the concept of money. They ask, you give, no problem. But when money is tight... then what? Careful what you say. I haven't read The Secret because I haven't bought it for my wife, but I'd rather there no be any secrets between us anymore. At least Dave explained his concerns. He didn't hold it in.
Now... there is nothing wrong with buying your child anything... but it should now become a team sport... how can WE get enough money to buy one. The first step is explaining/showing how much an item costs, and how much they should be willing to contribute (which usually means YOU and the allowance)... but at least it will be a lesson learned.
That's just my opinion, of course. It's correct, even if I am wrong.
Whatchagonna do now, Mommy? Will Daddy cave in and buy one? I know I've had to, after the Missus did something similar.