Sunday, December 13, 2009

Juggling my children

I was talking to my husband this evening as we drove home from my sister's place. The boys were in their car seats blathering away about who was Batman and who was Spiderman. Me, thinking that no one under 5 was listening to me, began to talk about the CBC interview I had done today. (For the upcoming show at Second City! Dec 20th, 2pm, please come!) I said something like "and I was describing the show about juggling my kids and career." Well, of course, Nathan picked up on it. "Mommy! You just said you are juggling your kids! You're not juggling me and Jakey!" Now I know what my next poster or book cover will be...

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Suddenly Mommy at The Second City Sunday Dec 20th

Okay, it's late and I should be going to sleep, but I need to give you the low-down, you know, before it's morning, and the kids are up, and I get too busy again.

Here's the thing. The Children's Storefront burned down on Oct 31st. It was the original mommy-baby drop in. It opened 35 years ago, to help mommies and daddies, and babies. You know, a drop in. A place to go. Especially in the winter. And now we have drop ins every where. And I swear it's all thanks to Roona Maloney and The Children's Storefront.

So, when I heard the tragic news, first I cried. Then I emailed Roona and asked if I could do my mommy show for her. And when she said "I'd love it!" I went about finding a venue. So I asked Andrew Alexander at Second City who said "Of course!" and then I asked for posters and postcards and Industry Images said "we'd love to!"

So, in about 19 days, we're going to raise some money for The Children's Storefront. And have a laugh! I'm performing Suddenly Mommy!, a funny one woman show about being an old, new mom, at The Second City, on Sunday December 20th at 2pm. $20. for tickets. Please come. You'll laugh and laugh and laugh. And feel really good about yourself for giving to this important cause. A great way to kick off the holiday season! xoxo AMS

Monday, August 31, 2009

Adam Sandler and My Guilty Hand

I had a crazy dream last night. I dreamt I was discovering a new playground near my house, at the bottom of a steep hill. When I got down there, I passed by the swings and went into a building. It was a fringe festival office (a theatre office). I was dismayed that no one recognized me for my past fringe performance successes. I figured it was because I had kids and it had been a while so I had better get back on the fringe circuit and make a name for myself again. I sat at a table with other performers who were watching TV. I was beside Adam Sandler. He held my hand under the table. I was excited that he liked me and recognized me as a fellow talent, but I was feeling guilty because I was married. How could I hold his hand?! I kept holding it, working through my guilt by trying to figure things out so my husband wouldn’t know. I also felt guilty about being away from the kids. I had meant to come and find a playground for them and here I was, in an entertainment office, with a fellow comic genius. Clearly I felt love for this place of potential, but I was there without consent.
Then the dream morphed into a murder mystery dream… I’m currently in the main cast at Mysteriously Yours theatre… which I am really enjoying… and then Jake, my 2 year old, came and woke me up.
But the dream stayed with me, and I had a chance to write it down. I know what it means too. I have been feeling guilty about having a Hollywood style, successful career because it would clearly be a compromise to my husband and children. There is so much guilt for wanting a film and television career it seems. Don’t get me wrong. The guilt comes from me. No one else is making me feel bad. I’m doing it to myself.
It’s like I should be transferring my career aspirations onto my children, and become a stage mom. Or I should keep my dreams of success to myself and not share them with my husband. I should perhaps go to teacher’s college or join the bank fulltime. And I ask you, how would any of this help?
You know it is evil to have career plans for your child. And my husband knows I’m an actor and writer and that I have big plans. He wants to know and wants to help me succeed. And living a compromised life (not following my bliss) is no example to set for my kids…
Do you know how much my family would benefit from my successful TV and film career? If Adam Sandler has faith in me, then at least I should too. Tomorrow I’m getting my production team together, (my husband and kids) and going over the time lines for the rest of the year.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Suddenly Home and Mommy Again

Hi there.
So, just to recap, I went to The Winnipeg Fringe to do my new show Suddenly Mommy! And when I say new, I mean, new. As in "hello folks, you are hearing this for the first time..." And I went without my husband and kids! So, it was intense in many ways.

Firstly, when you do The Winnipeg Fringe (just in case you are thinking of taking your show there) it is arguably the best fringe in the world. The reviewers and audiences want to see the show you have been crafting for years. So, I had to really work for it. But I worked. And I worked hard. I opened a good show. But I closed a great show! And it is only going to get better with every run, with every performance, because that's what happens when you create a show. It grows! It gets better! It makes more sense! Just like a baby!

And to address the other point: I went to Winnipeg without my 2 year old, or my 4 year old, or my 10 year old step-daughter or my 41 year old husband. (I'm sure he hates it when I mention his age. Personally, I just turned 30. Again.) But I was away from the children for almost 2 weeks! Putting up a new show in a new city! I didn't even bring a stage manager! Or a director! Or a girl friend! I stayed with three 25 year old girls who were lovely. I went to yoga every other day. I spent my free time working on my show, writing, or working over Skype with my director. (I now know what Skype is! You can video chat on your computer! Who knew!) Or I talked to other mothers who take there one woman shows out into the world!

Third point! There are some fabulous women out there on the fringe circuit who do their solo shows and sell out and are amazing and talented and have kids too! Specifically Rachelle Elie, Colette Kendal and Precious Chong. Then there are other cool women, sans enfants, who gave me oodles of support and feedback around my show! Specifically Susan Jeremy and Sherri Sutton. My show got so much better so fast with help from these stand up comics! Let me put it into perspective: Susan Jeremy has been invited to Just For Laughs not once but twice! And Sherri Sutton opened for Roseanne! And they came to my show, and I went to theirs, and I learned and I grew, and I was in paradise! In a beer tent! In Winnipeg! So happy!

Forth point! My audience included more amazing women. Buffalo Gals came to see me! And so did NSI! And men! Farpoint Films! (These are important names in the world of film and television, so I won't go on). But I had such incredible feedback, not to mention lunch, from great people who saw what I was bringing to the world! A fresh new look at motherhood!

Erica Ehm from Yummy Mummy Club also emailed me to offer sponsorship! Do you see where I am going here! Winnipeg was my creative incubator! I stepped on stage with my bean sprout and I left with a beanstalk to a castle in the sky! (I think I need to go to bed soon...)

But finally, and I will end it here, I could not have had the experience I had if it weren't for my husband. He raised the kids without me for two weeks. He did not complain. (He did go to his mother's for the last, which was a great idea. Gramma and Poppa got to spend lots of time getting to know their grandsons). And suddenly mommy was suddenly free to get some much needed work done on her show. Suddenly, being a mommy is not what it used to be. And that's good. xoxo AMS

Friday, June 26, 2009

Suddenly Mommy Press Release

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: June 22 to July , 2009
Perfectly Norma Productions Proudly Presents
Suddenly Mommy!
She got married and had kids for the glamour and there is no glamour!
Written & Performed by Anne Marie Scheffler Directed by Michael McGinn
The baby’s crying, the toddler’s peeing beside the potty, the step daughter can’t find her shoes and the husband’s leaving for work! How will our heroine ever get the kids out the door and her step-daughter to school when she can’t find her twig lipstick?? Who left Anne Marie in charge??! Second City alumni and star of her own Comedy Special on CTV and The Comedy Network, Anne Marie Scheffler jumps into a new world of funny! Having kids! Sure, she thought that’s what she always wanted, but they’re so much work! It looked so easy in the brochure! A mom and step mom in real life, Scheffler exposes the truth of motherhood in an authentic and hilarious way! A modern Irma Bombeck! She’ll make you feel good about your parenting skills!
Venue#10 Planetarium Auditorium
190 Rupert Ave (theatre on lower level)
Friday, July 17, 3:45 PM
Monday, July 20, 5:30 PM
Wednesday, July 22, 9:00 PM
Thursday, July 23, 2:30 PM
Friday, July 24, 12:00 PM
Saturday, July 25, 7:45 PM
Sunday, July 26, 7:00 PM
$9. Babes in arms permitted.
45 minutes.

Suddenly Mommy! About The Creator... as in Mother

About the Performer: Suddenly Mommy: Anne Marie Scheffler
Anne Marie Scheffler likes to write about what she knows. “I really did find myself married with children in a blink of an eye. I didn’t find my husband until I was in my mid-thirties, so, there was a bit of a time crunch, procreationally speaking.”
“And becoming a mother? Wow! Who knew it was this overwhelming! I’m still getting my ass kicked as to how demanding these little people can be! And I thought I needed attention! Sheesh!”
Scheffler’s struggle to be a good mother and still remain herself, the theme of the show, is one she faces in real life too. “I was a middle child. I had no opinion of my own! I just wanted to make everybody happy! I blame my parents!” One opinion Scheffler always had was that she would be an actress. “Ever since I was 4 years old, I wanted to be a movie star. I still plan on winning an Oscar. When I am completely exhausted and frazzled, usually begging the boys to go to sleep already, rubbing Jake’s back in the dark, I close my eyes and rehearse the acceptance speech. And it always helps.”
“I also want a Golden Globe award. For my TV series which I write and star in. Just like Tina Fey.” Not that far-fetched a vision, as Scheffler is a known-quantity in the world of Canadian Television. She began her acting career with a recurring role on Street Legal, and has been making a living on film, radio and television ever since. She has a long list of TV credits including Due South, Queer as Folk and Doc. She has done over 30 commercials for TV and radio, Canadian and US, and is currently the voice of Milestone’s restaurant. She writes for television, is an alumni of the National Screen Institute’s Totally Television Program, and was just honoured with a CTV Fellowship which took her to the Banff World Television Festival. And she has a one hour Comedy Now! special on The Comedy Network.
Plus she has a TV series in development with Buffalo Gals, and intends on having the TV version of Suddenly Mommy to go into development by the fall.
And she’s a mom, step mom, and wife. “It’s not like I’m Suzy Homemaker or anything. My husband is a chef, so I don’t have to cook. I think it’s a case of he’s so good and I’m so bad that everyone prefers daddy’s food, so that’s good for me! Plus, my husband complains about my cleaning skills- or lack thereof.” She recalls a time when she asked her husband if they owned a mop. “Dave just dropped his head in despair. Shaking his head disappointedly. So I never mop! But I have other skills! Mostly on stage type skills, but that’s something!”
And Scheffler loves being on stage. She has 6 critically acclaimed one woman shows under her belt, including Situation: NORMA, Watch Norma’s Back, Leaving Norma, Dating Myself, Not Getting it and Got it Good. She is a Second City alumni and performs regularly at Mysteriously Yours. She was nominated for a Canadian Comedy Award, and scouted by HBO twice.
“I’m a better performer now that I’ve had my kids! Maybe my boys, with their short attention spans, force me to be incredibly entertaining on a day to day basis, so I’m a comic genius on stage. And I thought my life was over. ” It seems to be just beginning. With her 2yr old and 4 yr old sons and 10 yr old step daughter, she has about 20 years of comedy gold to mine.

Suddenly Mommy! The Show

About The Show: Suddenly Mommy
The idea for the TV series came first. That was two years ago. Then a year ago, Scheffler begin writing the Suddenly Mommy blog. Now, the live show. “Usually, it’s the other way around!” Scheffler laughs. Known for her 6 previous one woman shows, Scheffler is a familiar face in the fringe world and the television world. Her first show, Situation NORMA, which debuted in 1994, got her a better TV agent and she booked an episode of Forever Knight immediately. Her second show, Watch Norma’s Back!, had reviewers suggesting her character Norma should have her own TV series. HBO scouted her from both of these show. Besides her numerous TV credits, she was hired by Second City, was nominated for a Canadian Comedy Award, does lots of radio and TV commercials (she’s the voice of Milestones Restaurant), and her fifth show, Not Getting It, was made into a one hour comedy special.
“When Not Getting It became a comedy special on CTV and The Comedy Network, the TV series was an easy sell.” Scheffler won a spot in the National Screen Institute’s Totally Television Program to take Not Getting It from the stage to the small screen. “I was on the brink of having my own TV series. But I needed to pause and have my kids first.” One step-daughter and two babies later, Scheffler returned to the world of television development.
“I was pregnant with my second child, and met Christine Tyson, a firey single mom and producer, who worked at Shaftesbury. She wanted to develop a TV series with me. At the time I was a writer on a TV series, Out There, and my comedy special was a great calling card for my funny female voice,” Scheffler recalls. “Plus my kids loved her kids.” Soon Tyson and Scheffler created Irma Inspired, which is currently in development with Buffalo Gals.
But why have one show when you can have two? “Irma Inspired is about the single thirty-something woman with no kids of her own. That was me in “Not Getting It.” It’s a period of my life I could write about forever. But now there was another show I could write about. I was biking home from an audition, and I was wondering what a TV series based on my current situation would look like. You know, a funny actress who finally found herself, then had kids, and all that self work went down the toilet. I wasn’t very fast. I had a long time to pedal and dream. By the time I got home to the babysitter, I had the pilot episode mapped out in my head.”
She outlined the pilot and sent it to her writing agent, who loved it, being a single working mom herself. In the meantime, Scheffler began the Suddenly Mommy blog. “My birthday horoscope said that I should start blogging. I was already doing stand up about funny mommy stuff, so I figured I could blog about it too. I have lots of fun blogging about my boys, about how they treat me worse than some guys I’ve dated, and how if they were my boyfriends I’d break up with them. My blogs go out on Erica Ehm’s yummymummyclub e-newletter. She says I’m one of her most popular contributors.”
And then, Scheffler, (a Leo, btw), won a CTV Fellowship to The Banff World Television Festival. “I knew I needed to get in front of the broadcasters again. I also wanted to meet Kari Lizer, the creator of The New Adventures of Old Christine, who would be speaking about her show. Here I am, sleep deprived, with two boys who won’t listen to me, and a husband who was working doubles, expecting to be at Banff. When I got my parents to agree to watch the boys for 5 days, I knew it would happen.”
She won with the Suddenly Mommy TV series concept. She fleshed out the original outline to include three more leads. “I call it Sex and the City with Mommies.” She also got high marks for being multi-platformed. “It’s the new buzz word. I have the blog, the TV show and the live show. It was incredible to say “and I’ll be performing next month at The Winnipeg Fringe. It made the TV series more real. Plus, everyone seems to be from Winnipeg!” (Including CTV’s Robert Hardy, and HBO’s Gavin Wise).
And how was Kari Lizer? “She was speaking my language. She started off as a TV commercial actress then wrote a one woman show. She got offers to write for TV. Soon she was juggling a family with two pilots in development. So, it’s okay for me to have two shows on the go. That was reassuring.”
Creating film and television based on live material is an excellent formula for success. It clearly worked for Winnipeg Native Nia Vardalos of “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” fame. Scheffler interviewed her recently. “I just wrote an article for the ACTRA National magazine about women in comedy and Nia, who is an inspiration to me, offered this advice. “Don’t wait for the phone to ring with an offer of a job- call yourself.””
According to Scheffler, doing the fringe this year is about calling herself. “It wasn’t easy to turn to my husband and say – “Look, I know we have little kids and variable incomes, but I want to go to Winnipeg for two weeks in July and do a fringe show. There’s no guarantee of money, but based on my prior work, I think this would be a great idea.”” She lives in Toronto with her chef husband and her sons, Nathan, 4 and Jake, 2. Her step-daughter Mackenna, 10, is with them every other weekend and for long periods in the summer and March Break. “I proposed Winnipeg as a great family vacation!” So far it looks like she’s heading to The ‘Peg on her own. But Scheffler is planning on hitting the fringe hard and really enjoying her time doing what she loves best.
“I’ve done 6 fringe shows and toured North America with them. I love the format. I love performing live. I get to be funny, with heart. I was in the live studio audience of a taping of Everybody Loves Raymond, and the penny dropped. What they are doing on the sound stage is what I am doing on the fringe stage. If the goal is to have my own TV show, then doing the fringe is a good idea.”
Can being away from her family for 2 weeks be a good idea? The irony is that her show is all about being overrun by her children. “My husband will be exhausted by the time I get back. He’s a hero.” Scheffler will also be shooting Irma Inspired in Winnipeg. “When I got into the fringe, I took it as a sign from above that I need to get to know this city. I’m freaked out about being away from the kids for so long. What kind of mother am I? But then I was picking up Nathan from Junior Kindergarten and I spoke with another parent who is also an actor. I told him that I was heading to Winnipeg for the Fringe. “I’m jealous,” he said. Seems to me that Winnipeg is the place to be.”
Especially if suddenly, mommy ends up with a TV show. Or two. “I have boys. Apparently hockey is in my future. I’m doing it for the team!”

Monday, June 22, 2009

A Man of Attitude, A Mom of Oblivion

Sometimes, it comes down to, going the easiest route possible. Wait. It always comes down to the easiest route possible. I just want to get through the day happy. Smiling. Easy. But if you don't give the kid some structure, he does things, like pour his milk into his jello, which spills over the bowl and onto him, and he looks at you with a "how could you let this happen to me?" face. And so the bathing and cleaning begins.

I see that there is wisdom in stopping the mess before it happens. Less cleaning for me. But I want to let him experiment. Explore this abundant universe. (Abundant in toys, not so abundant in sleep). But it also requires work on my part to stop him...

And I get so tired...

So the jello and the milk get everywhere and I'll clean it in the morning... or when he's 18. I just want to enjoy that 2 year old as much as possible! Could it be I am simply making it impossible for him to ever get married? Because there is no one in the world who would let him get away with what I let him get away with? Still, my relationships with the men in my life, continue to be challenging! More later! AMS

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Child Played

This is how my children play. “Want to jump on me, Jakey?” says my four year old to my two year old. “Yes,” says the cutest wrestler there ever was. And so, to others what looks like fighting, is really playing. Because they’re boys? Perhaps. Because I want them to sit at the table and finish their ham sandwiches? For sure. Playing well with each other usually occurs when they are supposed to be doing something else: eating, leaving the house, crossing the road. And don’t think I’m just a spectator. When Jakey is down for a nap, Nathan asks me to play with him. “Let’s fight, Mommy.” I tell him no, I suggest other games, I offer him TV, my computer, chocolate, but nothing gives. He wants to spar and he wants to spar now. So, there I am, wrestling my 4 year old to the ground. I don’t know why this is so wonderful and even funny to him, but it is. And for me- it feels pretty good too. For the first 2 minutes. But he wants me to play forever. Mercifully, it usually ends soon enough with one of us crying because of an accidental finger to the eye.
I tried to outwit my boys in the backyard the other day. “Who wants to play pick up the pine cones with me?” I shouted enthusiastically. “I do!” they both yelled, and off we went, collecting about 400 to 800 pine cones (I’m guessing here… let’s say a lot) in two large pails. I felt like a hero, as smart as Tom Sawyer, when the ultimate twist came. “Yay! Let’s do it again!” And Nathan whipped those pine cones to all corners of the earth. At least, before my craftiness, the offending pine cones were under the pine tree and a bit to the left. Now, those pine cones were every freaking where.
And they always have to win. I can’t walk down the stairs first, leave the house first, or get my dessert first. Some child of mine is pushing past me to victory. It can be annoying, especially those mornings when I am almost at the bottom of the stairs, so close to my coffee, and Nathan is yelling from his top bunk “Stop Mommy! I’m coming! And I’m going to beat you!” As sleep deprived as I am, I see that he gives me a gift. The reminder that life is a game, so just have fun. And we do. Hand slapping at the table, playing with empty boxes, rolling the cork from the wine bottle at dinner. We’re always playing.(And drinking apparently..!) And I look at those little champions, demanding rematch after rematch, and I smile, knowing that I have already won.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

If This Were a Comedy Club....

Funny Mummy Musings.
Track pants.
You know those track pants? The pair that someone gave you in a bag of maternity clothes? They’re grey and comfy, size XL, maternity pants and you held them against you in your first trimester and made some joke about having the whole family wear them at the same time? You tossed them aside, just in case that baby got really really big in the 39th week, and they fit you perfectly… now… that your bundle of joy… has just started grade one? Yah. Those track pants. I love mine too!
I’m issuing a press release. I finally weaned my son! He’s two! He’s speaking! He was saying sentences like “more milk mommy” so it was clear that it was time! I’m free! I can wear a dress again for the first time in forever! I don’t have to worry about hiking a dress over my head because Jakey wants to nurse! I can tuck my shirts in again! I don’t have to wear bras that open at the front with emergency exits for my nipples! I don’t have to stick to wearing the sweater with the slits on the front, so I can reach in and pull out a drink or two for my son! I’m free! To be fashionable! I no longer have to dress in a way that makes my boobs accessible. Of course, now, I’m back in my push up bra and low neck sweaters. What are you gonna do?
Character Names.
I’m raising a genius, just like you are. I can’t fool my son with the wrong names… like I’m reading Arthur to him one time. Nathan’s four, so he can’t read… yet. I’m tired, so I just want to whip through the book. Instead of actually reading the words on the page, I’m looking at the picture and paraphrasing. Nathan immediately catches on. “You mean Arthur and D.W. were looking for Muffy. And who’s Blinky?” You really can’t just make up crap. The kids are experts, and if it’s a kid’s TV show or a movie- those marketing people are geniuses. I’m pretty sure Jake’s first words were “Cars!” “Doc!” One time, I was reading a Disney Pixar Cars book to Jake, who’s barely two, and I tried the old paraphrasing method, and I called Mater the Tow Truck, Rusty. Jake just started screaming. Character names are sacred. If I’m really tired, I’ll just skimp on house cleaning, or preparing nutritious meals. Don’t mess with the character names. Now where’s that box of macaroni and cheese?
What Mommy is Really Thinking About When Watching Treehouse TV.
Anthony. Of the Wiggles. Enough said.
Other People’s Kids.I was picking my son up from JK when one of his cute little classmates asked me if I was going to have another baby? No, I said. I immediately decided to retire the lumpy sweater I was wearing. I took Nathan from school to a drop in. I removed the offending sweater, wearing a slim fitting turtle neck underneath. Another little girl approached me and asked “Are you having a baby?””Why do you ask?” “Because it looks like you have a baby in there.” You know, they just don’t make turtle necks well these days.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

All the world's a petri dish

It’s been four years and two babies but I’m getting back on stage with my show. It’s a comedy, very Sex and The City, one woman, lots of lines, gotta look good, do a really good job, can’t phone it in show. I have 9 days until I go on, and my kids have been sick. I was going to spend all this extra time working on my lines, and of course, going to yoga every single day until the show to show the world “I still got it!” Ah, but I’ll be lucky if I shave my legs.
I guess it’s the weather. Or the fact that Nathan is in JK, and I’ve taken Jake to a couple of drop ins, and now both children have a fever. I haven’t been sleeping well, because I’m up with Jake. His nose is snotty and when he has trouble breathing he wakes up crying for me. So I slip myself into his bottom bunk and lay with him until he falls asleep. And then I spend a few torturous moments devising my escape- how to squeeze out of the bottom bunk without waking up either boy. And it just re-enforces my need to get to yoga. Sleek like a cat. Dave brought home some photos today. He took a roll of film out of his camera and wanted to see what was on it. Pictures from the summer. My birthday on the beach. I had quite the shock. I have a vision of me in my head- and what I must look like in a bikini. And then there’s the photos. I look like a nice barbeque chicken with a lot of extra meat. I’m not fat. I’m healthy. I’d be a good meal.
But back to my illustrious acting career. When Nathan was born, I was booking all my auditions. I think I walked into the audition room different from “before baby.” When I was just a regular person (ha!) I’d walk into that audition all ready and willing to please. When I became a new mom, I’d walk into that audition room with a real sense of purpose. Like “I have to go breast feed, did you want to hire me, yes or no?” It was like I flipped a switch, and became important, and had somewhere more important to be (with my newborn) and so everyone thought I was important too and wanted to hire me.
So, really, having children hasn’t stopped me from being a working mother. It has made me appreciate working more. Like a little vacation from my children. But I don’t want to have an understudy for my real role- as mommy. As I lay beside Jake and his snuffly nose, I realize that he is one of my greatest creations. He’s my audience. He’s my director. He’s my playwright. He’s my real work of art. And that snotty nose? Just a hack trying to crash an audition...

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Take the "me" out of Bedtime!

Do you know where I am right now? I don’t want to tell you. I’m at a bar. It’s 6 30pm and I finished my corporate acting gig at 6, and instead of going home, I came here to a bar. And I’m drinking a beer. And I ordered a hamburger. Rare.
This is not like me. Listen, it’s not like the kids are home alone. Dave had to go to work for 5pm so we got the fabulous, amazing 25 year old babysitter to come for 4:30. And if I got home at 6 30, that would barely be worth her while. I want her to make a bit of money, so I figured I’d come here and write and get some me time. Okay, there’s a bigger reason. I want Maryjoy to put the kids to bed.
It takes soooooo long for me to put the kids to bed. Dave can do it in 30 minutes or less. A babysitter? They take one look at her and put themselves to bed. Me? It’s like a crime that they should be forced to sleep at all. It’s like I’m asking them to go to jail. Without a phone call. I’d like to take the "time" out of bedtime. And, actually, take the "me" out of it, too. 'Bedtime boys, say goodnight to me… me who is going downstairs to watch 30 Rock, finish the dishes (okay, we don’t have a dishwasher… yet.. what?!) and get at least two hours of doing whatever the hell I want and need to do'. But no. Bedtime with me and the boys starts at 7pm and ends somewhere between 10 and 10:30pm when they have finally given in and fallen asleep after about 2 hours of manipulating me from the bottom bunk to the top bunk to sleep beside one or the other.
I know I am an enabler. I was the one who had them in the bed when they were babies, respectively. And I am still the enabler, because I will lay down with Jake, then Nathan, then Jake, then Nathan, up and down the bunk like a servant. If they were my employers, I'd quit. Which I felt like I did tonight. I may be in a bar, but don’t think my Catholic guilt isn’t killing me. I might need another beer to keep me from going home before they have fallen asleep. Go Maryjoy!

Yummy Mummy Club

Another mom sent me the link to the yummy mummy club website. It's fabulous, has great contests, and is even publishing a funny article I wrote. (Okay, you may have read the same article here, but still!) Please join You'll love it!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Mommy Loves The Boys

So, I'm married with kids now. My Sex and The City lifestyle days are behind me. No more bad relationships with immature guys. Wait. Did I mention I have two sons? Did you know that my two year old Jake and my 4 year old Nathan aren't that different from some guys I've dated? It's so unfair, because I did the whole "please a man and lose myself" thing and I thought I learned from it. But here I am, repeating old, self-sabotaging patterns with my boys. Well, the first step is recognizing I have a problem. Er, problems…

Here’s one problem I have. I tend to give in to my boys, because I want them to like me. What? I know! I'm their mom! They'll like me even if I make them do chores every day of their life. But I'm such a sucker for a cute guy, I'm all "Alright, have another cookie" because I don't want to be the heavy. Then Nathan has too much sugar, then he crashes, then he’s miserable and cranky. And I’m reminded of the time I lent my Freud’s Interpretation of Dreams to that cute guy and never got the book back. That “I should have known better” feeling. Note to self number 1. Have a back bone, even if it means some guy won’t like it.

Here’s another problem: I tend to put them first all, all, all the time. I need to go to yoga. I must go to yoga. Nathan and Jake want me all the time. I tell them the sitter is coming so Mommy can go to yoga. They cry. I don't call the sitter. I don't go to yoga. I burn out. I yell at the kids. If they were my boyfriend, I'd break up with them. Note to self number 2. Put myself first. At least some of the time. Like at yoga time.

My worst problem: I tend to change myself for the man. Why do I do this? When I was dating and it never worked. I would morph into the supergirl I thought the guy wanted me to be. Which I couldn’t keep up for very long, so we’d break up. Now with my little guys, I love them so much, so I am this supermom who never says no. And then I can’t take it anymore and I snap. Things like sleeping beside Nathan until he falls asleep, which I am convinced makes him stay awake longer. It only makes me more anxious because I have things to do. Or my never ending nursing of Jake. If I left it up to him, he’d be weaned after graduation. No! Mommy has to go to yoga! Get your hands out of my shirt! I love you but I love me more! (Quote from Samantha in Sex and The City). So yes, I admit I’m still relationship challenged. But with a little bit of backbone, and a lot of yoga (which is all about strengthening the spine… I see the connection), I am sure I can keep the bad boys addiction behind me… and raise good boys who treat women really,really well.