A Big Case of Holiday Whine

Tonight we came home at 10pm. Cuz we were having a holiday visit with family at my brother's house. Lots fun, noise, booze (well, not for me, cuz I was driving) and getting kids to bed late. Jake, 3, was fast asleep by the time we got home. Nathan, 6, was still awake, but tired. Dave carried Jakey into the house, while I walked with Nathan. "Mommy, you...whine whine whine whine whine.." Is all I heard. "What Nathan? Speak up, Sweetheart." Then some more whining, Then more of my "what? I can't hear you? What is it?" Finally, we get inside and I'm doing what I can to get Nathan into bed. More whining. I get that he wants his pajamas from the car. Jake's already tucked in bed, sleeping soundly, so Dave goes to get Nathan's pajamas. So much for unpacking the car tomorrow morning. Me and Nathan wait. More whining. I still can't figure him out. I ask if he'd like me to rock him in the rocking chair. No, that just gets him annoyed. I guess because I haven't gotten what he's trying to tell me. Fine. I will walk away so I don't get all snippy with him. I fill the humidifier tank under the tap in the bathtub. The water runs loudly. I faintly hear Nathan whining. This is getting crazy. Finish filling the water, stand quickly, hit my head on the corner of the bathroom cabinet. Now I lose my composure. "Nathan! If you want to speak to me, come into the room I am in! Do not whine in your room, expecting me to hear you! I could not hear you over the water running! What do you want to say?!" And I think I'm giving you the very nice version of this story. With tears in his eyes, a very tired Nathan says "I said: I remember what I was trying to tell you when we were coming into the house. I said you're the best mom in the world." Doesn't it just figure?

Dec 24th Morning

We woke up at 7:38am this morning: the boys wanted their presents. I told them they were going to get Mom and Dad presents this morning, and Santa presents on Christmas morning, at Gramma and Grandpa's, and then more presents at Gramma and Poppa's on December 27th. Such a schedule!

Wel, I'm still smiling from the present opening this morning. Our little family. Housecoats, hotwheels, backugans, chocolate, dvd's and placemats. Then, at 9am, I went back to bed for an hour. Another gift to my family. xoxo AMS
ps Merry Christmas and warm feelings of love to you and yours.

I Just Want to Email My Grade Oner

Okay, it's late. Kids are sleeping, husband is driving back from dropping of my step-daughter at her mom's, and I should be going to bed soon. But I'm waiting for the dryer to stop so I can fold small socks and undies and favourite shirts and pants so getting dressed tomorrow morning will be trauma-free. ("Where's my Star Wars shirt? In the laundry? Nooo! Why didn't you wash it when I was sleeping?!")

But of course, I'm checking my email. And I see the facebook invite for Andy and Gabi's Winter Solstice in Kensington Market on Dec 21st. I email it to my husband and say "Let's go to this." And then I instinctively want to email it to Nathan. He's 6 now. He's got this personality now. He's interesting and funny. I like him. And I want him to know how fun it would be to go to the Solstice. But he's without an email address...
I'll have to work the solstice plans into a cuddle.

Suddenly Parry Sound

Just back from doing an excerpt of Suddenly Mommy in Parry Sound in the prestigious Stockey Centre. My dressing room was incredible: easy chair and foot stool, shower, bathroom, cot and vanity area complete with a mirror with lights all the way around it. I opened up the cot and lay down. If I had a towel I would have taken a shower. My performance was fabulous... but the dressing room... ah, the dressing room...

Suddenly Mommy at The Fringe

Yup. I'm doing it again! The live show, Suddenly Mommy, that is. I'll be at The Toronto Fringe from July 2nd until 10th. My venue is The Dance Studio at The St. Alban's Boys' and Girls' Club which is located at 843 Palmerston Avenue, with the entrance off Vermont Ave. (Dupont and Bathurst area).

Show times are Fri, July 2nd, 2pm, Sat, July 3rd, 2pm and 4pm, Mon, July 5th, 8pm, Wed, July 7th, 8pm, Friday July 9th, 2pm and Sat July 10th at 2pm and 4pm.

What's it about? *Becoming a mother because you are supposed to. *Becoming a mom, quickly, without a plan. And you really need a plan. So coming up with a plan- fast. *A girl with no follow through becomes a mom- and finds out, with kids, you need follow through. So, in order to survive, she develops follow through. *Thinking that because I have kids, I can't do anything. And learning that because of my kids, I can do anything... cuz you gotta lead by example. * A story about a selfish actress who always plays low-status characters impetuously decides to become a mom, stepmom and wife, to everyone's surprise, and then disappears, only to reappear as a stronger, better, high status actress... and incredible mom.

I really hope you can come see it. I intend to change the world. xoxo AMS

Don't tell me I can't

I knew I wanted to be a famous movie star ever since I was 4. It's just taken me almost 40 years to get my sh*t together. I made mistakes. A lot of mistakes. For a long time. What can I say? It builds character! One thing I've learned is don't tell me I can't.

They can say I am too old, or not their ideal of a movie star, or the worst thing - A MOM- and I will simply say: Au contraire. I am right on track.

Sure, I spent waaay too long looking for love in all the wrong places. And sure I squandered opportunities which may have catapulted me to fame a decade ago, but I believe it was all part of the bigger picture. Now I don't have to fake knowing what it's like to be a mom when I go out for the mom roles. And Tina Fey and I are the same age. And we're both moms. So enough with the "it's too late" attitude. I'm finally coming into my own. Late bloomer, some might think. But what am I teaching my kids if I give up on my dreams? Crazy, glamourous, fun dreams... dreams I've had since I was 4.

SuperMoms, SuperStepMoms and SuperHumanGoals

So, are you as tired as I am? I have dreams, big dreams. And kids, cute kids. Really, can we please buy sleep by the bottle? If I use the philosophy of The Secret, which I truly love- I was driving to Hamilton by myself on Friday, lots of time (2 hours x 2) to listen to the 4 CD set of The Secret- then all I have to say is "I have plenty of time." So there: I'll say it. I have plenty of time. And my kids listen to me. And I'm a good mom. And I will make the world a better place because I care about being a good mom. A fabulously rich, gorgeous, sexy, surprisingly young looking, healthy, funny, famous mom. Who gets tons of sleep. Bottles and bottles of sleep. I have dreams, big dreams... xoxo AMS
ps I just found a web-group called SuperStepMoms in the Hamilton/Burlington area. I'll post their website on the side here...

pps- Suddenly Mommy is going to be in Hamilton! March 11th and March 13th at The Staircase! Come on out and eat, drink and laugh!

March 11th and March 13th in Hamilton Ontario!

Perfectly Norma Productions and The Staircase Presents
Suddenly Mommy!
She got married and had kids for the glamour and there is no glamour!
Written & Performed by Anne Marie SchefflerCanadian Comedy Award nominee, Second City Alumna, and star of her own comedy special on CTV/ The Comedy Network, Anne Marie Scheffler is back with her 7th one person show: Suddenly Mommy! Having her babies later in life, Scheffler demands answers from a world where she is no longer first! Like can I have the same goals I had before I had kids? How do the Hollywood moms do it? And when will I ever sleep again? Spoofing Celine Dion and Supernanny, Scheffler speaks the truth of the “Sex and The City turned Yummy Mommy” crowd: there’s not much time to put make-up on anymore! Recognizing that she is at bad at parenting as she was at dating, Scheffler refuses to repeat her relationship mistakes, so she finds a backbone. Not an easy thing to do when you are told to put everyone first, now that you’re a mom! “Anne Marie Scheffler didn't think motherhood would be this hard. She thought she could be the sexy showbiz mom, with a baby in one arm, a movie script in the other. Her jarring realization otherwise makes for a humorous and entertaining show. Scheffler is a charismatic, sparkling performer.”- CBC ReviewThe Staircase Theatre27 Dundurn Street North, Hamilton OntarioThursday March 11th , 8 PMSaturday March 13th , 8 PM$15/ ticket.info@staircase.org or905-529-3000 for ticketsTwo shows only! Book the babysitter now!!!!

February 27th and February 28th

I love being a mom so much. I love my little sons, who are batman and spiderman crazy and need me to rock them and read them betime stories.

I love my step-daughter and buying things for her, and finding girlie things for her to wear.

I love my husband, and this domestic life we've created. It's nice to have a family and do family things.

So why am I doing a show instead of staying home and cuddling with my kids? Because parenting did not come naturally to me. And I approached it in my same "give-myself-away" method that I used when dating. Then, I spent a long time, as a single woman, realizing that I had to have a back bone and love myself before I could have a solid romantic relationship. And now, as a mom, with my sons, I see myself repeating mistakes. I have spent the last 5 years finding that same back bone again, and loving myself well again. Because if I'm really me, I'm a better mom.

That's why I'm doing my show. I have something to say. I feel this show will be as powerful as Not Getting It. I'm looking forward to seeing you at The Candy Box! xoxo AMS

Mommy Wants Candy

Did you know that there's a new theatre in town? The John Candy Box Theatre, a part of Second City. I will be performing Suddenly Mommy there on Saturday February 27th at 8pm! And the next day too! (At Theatre Passe Muraille Backspace, Sunday Feb 28th, 2pm). What can I say? It's a mini run. If you missed the show before, here's your chance!

I've been home with Jake for the last 2 days because he's had a fever and a cough. I know he'd be okay in daycare tomorrow but I'm just enjoying babying the heck out of him. He turned 3 on Tuesday. We went to Chuck E Cheese on the weekend. He's been wandering around saying "I'm the birthday star." My kids are going to be confident if nothing else. Delusional and confident. And today he's been saying "I'm a girl- you not a girl. You a boy." Cute. Don't know what that's all about but he's just cute, so whatever.

Which reminds me, we got a Wii for Christmas from my in-laws. Really, it's for my husband. But the kids like it too. When we play the car racing game, a CGI blonde comes out and waves a flag to start the race. I've trained Jake to point at that girl in her Daisy Dukes and hot pink halter and say "That's you Mommy!" Yes it is Jake. Yes it is. Cute and delusional: Jake's mommy that is. See you at The Candy Box. xoxo AMS
ps: for tickets to Suddenly Mommy on Feb 27th and February 28th: http://www.artsboxoffice.ca/ or call 416.504.7529