I'm an actor. I always have been. It's not just a job but a state of mind. You believe in miracles. And they do happen (I once made $30,000 from a TV commercial I booked). You create entertainment for (hopefully) thousands of people out of thin air. I'm not a normal nine to fiver. And on top of it, I'm a mom, step-mom and wife. And I've been pretty low key with the career for the last eight years. Now that the kids are bigger, I'm returning to my "authentic self." I'm getting my career back.
About eight months ago I was hired by an American producer to co-write and co-star in a Fifty Shades of Grey parody. Okay, career coming back. And lo and behold, it's a runaway hit. I have performed all over US and Canada to thousands of thrilled audience members. There are three casts now. We've sold the show to Australia. But I'm a mom, step-mom and wife. And the touring takes me away from my kids and husband and that's tough. I could be on the road all the time right now. Fancy places. Warm places. Awesome venues. Chic hotels. I have done many cities already: Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Anaheim, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh... Green Bay... to name a few. But then my marriage began to - don't say it- fall apart. And my kids and I were missing each other terribly. And I said no to some cities.
I just saw on facebook that the cast did the show in California- and Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn were in the audience. I was supposed to be doing that show. But I chose not to. So I could be with my sons. And my husband who is not a big fan of my career "state of mind." Who wants to end things, but I believe in miracles, so I'm doing what I can to keep it together. But that's a whole other story. What really impressed me and kinda surprised me is this: I really was happy for the cast out there on the road. I was not jealous but thrilled for them to meet Goldie and Kurt. And super thrilled for me. I was where I wanted to be: at home with my family. Watching movies together. Making brownies. Getting the bikes out since spring is springing right about now.
I'm not saying that I shouldn't have a career because I'm a mom. In fact I'm getting on a plane in two days to do a show in Florida. Without the kids and hubby. I wanted them to come- but there are things like school, and money. and a guy who is not thrilled with the actor part of me coming back. I am learning that life is a balance. Not all or nothing. And although it would be great to perform in front of Kurt and Goldie, my favourite celebrities are right here in my house.
3 comments:
Love you!!!!
I was in the audience for the Sunday show in Toronto and you were fantastic!! Goldie would have loved you :)
Kiddo - being the dad who is working while his wife goes to night school - I sympathize with your husband - a bit.
I admire your frankness in this blog.
You are a good mom and probably too good a wife.
I love that you recognized the fact that you were missing your kids and that there was improper friction rather than the fun type of friction between you and your husband. But, knowing you - even just a teensy bit, I know the passion you feel when you perform. Losing some of that to be home hurts, and I hope you do NOT harbor any resentment towards those that helped make the decision for you. And I'm not talking about your kids.
I know I harbor some towards my wife as the 2-years of schooling has turned into nearly 5 (additional years I never agreed to), and I'm tired of being broke, and I'm tired of being unable to pursue any of the hobbies or things I enjoy, or even being able to do things for my family, as I have tgo maintain the financial equilibrium (IE juggling act between credit cards). Do as I say, not as I do. Don't resent. I wish I could change, but I'm a very stubborn person.
Keep smiling.
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