"You Quit, Mom!"

Jakey will be 4 in about 2 weeks. He's still only 3 now, and today, boy, was he ever acting like a 3 year old. We went tobogganing, which was awesome fun. (I learned last year to wear snowpants to make it fun for me too). On the walk home, Jake was getting cranky. He cried if anyone walked ahead of him. But he was kinda slow, being just 3 and all. Nathan who is 6, and my nephew Nicholas who is 7, both couldn't help but walk faster. Plus I was cold, and I was pulling my niece Oliva, also 3, in the blue sled, and I wanted to walk faster too.

Finally, after all of us being screamed at by my tantrumy, over-tired Jake, I put my foot down.
"Jake," I knelt in front of him, "let's just get home. It doesn't matter who is first." More screaming. Neighbours looked to see how I was beating my child. I instructed everyone just to walk. There was no making Jake happy. Our aim was to get home. "Come on, Jake. Let's just walk. It doesn't matter who's first. Stop being so competitive!" And it dawned on me, that I am uber competitive, all the time. I'm an actor. I am competing at auditions for jobs. Are my vibes influencing my child into being a competitive weirdo?

And as we all walked beside Jake (it's not like we were leaving him behind), he yelled at me: "When we get home, you're getting a time out! You quit, Mom!" I almost fell in the snow. I had to laugh. My child was using my words against me. Do I really say to them "I quit"? I must.

So now, I am determined not to be competitive. Live in the world of the creative, where love and possibilities exist. And I promise never to yell "I quit" at my children. Because I don't want to make weirdos out of my kids. At least, in two weeks, he'll be a 4 year old weirdo.

A Big Case of Holiday Whine

Tonight we came home at 10pm. Cuz we were having a holiday visit with family at my brother's house. Lots fun, noise, booze (well, not for me, cuz I was driving) and getting kids to bed late. Jake, 3, was fast asleep by the time we got home. Nathan, 6, was still awake, but tired. Dave carried Jakey into the house, while I walked with Nathan. "Mommy, you...whine whine whine whine whine.." Is all I heard. "What Nathan? Speak up, Sweetheart." Then some more whining, Then more of my "what? I can't hear you? What is it?" Finally, we get inside and I'm doing what I can to get Nathan into bed. More whining. I get that he wants his pajamas from the car. Jake's already tucked in bed, sleeping soundly, so Dave goes to get Nathan's pajamas. So much for unpacking the car tomorrow morning. Me and Nathan wait. More whining. I still can't figure him out. I ask if he'd like me to rock him in the rocking chair. No, that just gets him annoyed. I guess because I haven't gotten what he's trying to tell me. Fine. I will walk away so I don't get all snippy with him. I fill the humidifier tank under the tap in the bathtub. The water runs loudly. I faintly hear Nathan whining. This is getting crazy. Finish filling the water, stand quickly, hit my head on the corner of the bathroom cabinet. Now I lose my composure. "Nathan! If you want to speak to me, come into the room I am in! Do not whine in your room, expecting me to hear you! I could not hear you over the water running! What do you want to say?!" And I think I'm giving you the very nice version of this story. With tears in his eyes, a very tired Nathan says "I said: I remember what I was trying to tell you when we were coming into the house. I said you're the best mom in the world." Doesn't it just figure?

Dec 24th Morning

We woke up at 7:38am this morning: the boys wanted their presents. I told them they were going to get Mom and Dad presents this morning, and Santa presents on Christmas morning, at Gramma and Grandpa's, and then more presents at Gramma and Poppa's on December 27th. Such a schedule!

Wel, I'm still smiling from the present opening this morning. Our little family. Housecoats, hotwheels, backugans, chocolate, dvd's and placemats. Then, at 9am, I went back to bed for an hour. Another gift to my family. xoxo AMS
ps Merry Christmas and warm feelings of love to you and yours.

I Just Want to Email My Grade Oner

Okay, it's late. Kids are sleeping, husband is driving back from dropping of my step-daughter at her mom's, and I should be going to bed soon. But I'm waiting for the dryer to stop so I can fold small socks and undies and favourite shirts and pants so getting dressed tomorrow morning will be trauma-free. ("Where's my Star Wars shirt? In the laundry? Nooo! Why didn't you wash it when I was sleeping?!")

But of course, I'm checking my email. And I see the facebook invite for Andy and Gabi's Winter Solstice in Kensington Market on Dec 21st. I email it to my husband and say "Let's go to this." And then I instinctively want to email it to Nathan. He's 6 now. He's got this personality now. He's interesting and funny. I like him. And I want him to know how fun it would be to go to the Solstice. But he's without an email address...
I'll have to work the solstice plans into a cuddle.

Suddenly Parry Sound

Just back from doing an excerpt of Suddenly Mommy in Parry Sound in the prestigious Stockey Centre. My dressing room was incredible: easy chair and foot stool, shower, bathroom, cot and vanity area complete with a mirror with lights all the way around it. I opened up the cot and lay down. If I had a towel I would have taken a shower. My performance was fabulous... but the dressing room... ah, the dressing room...

Suddenly Mommy at The Fringe

Yup. I'm doing it again! The live show, Suddenly Mommy, that is. I'll be at The Toronto Fringe from July 2nd until 10th. My venue is The Dance Studio at The St. Alban's Boys' and Girls' Club which is located at 843 Palmerston Avenue, with the entrance off Vermont Ave. (Dupont and Bathurst area).

Show times are Fri, July 2nd, 2pm, Sat, July 3rd, 2pm and 4pm, Mon, July 5th, 8pm, Wed, July 7th, 8pm, Friday July 9th, 2pm and Sat July 10th at 2pm and 4pm.

What's it about? *Becoming a mother because you are supposed to. *Becoming a mom, quickly, without a plan. And you really need a plan. So coming up with a plan- fast. *A girl with no follow through becomes a mom- and finds out, with kids, you need follow through. So, in order to survive, she develops follow through. *Thinking that because I have kids, I can't do anything. And learning that because of my kids, I can do anything... cuz you gotta lead by example. * A story about a selfish actress who always plays low-status characters impetuously decides to become a mom, stepmom and wife, to everyone's surprise, and then disappears, only to reappear as a stronger, better, high status actress... and incredible mom.

I really hope you can come see it. I intend to change the world. xoxo AMS

Don't tell me I can't

I knew I wanted to be a famous movie star ever since I was 4. It's just taken me almost 40 years to get my sh*t together. I made mistakes. A lot of mistakes. For a long time. What can I say? It builds character! One thing I've learned is don't tell me I can't.

They can say I am too old, or not their ideal of a movie star, or the worst thing - A MOM- and I will simply say: Au contraire. I am right on track.

Sure, I spent waaay too long looking for love in all the wrong places. And sure I squandered opportunities which may have catapulted me to fame a decade ago, but I believe it was all part of the bigger picture. Now I don't have to fake knowing what it's like to be a mom when I go out for the mom roles. And Tina Fey and I are the same age. And we're both moms. So enough with the "it's too late" attitude. I'm finally coming into my own. Late bloomer, some might think. But what am I teaching my kids if I give up on my dreams? Crazy, glamourous, fun dreams... dreams I've had since I was 4.