Suddenly Single

It's been a while since I blogged. But that's because the family structure went from marriage to divorced and living in two homes, 5 minutes apart.

I'm not saying I'm happy about it. I'm just saying... feel free to see my next show MILF Life Crisis...

Anyway, now my ex-husband is living a five minute walk away and I have this home here. The school is in between. It's a nice set up really. Except when I joke with my older son about it, he still cries. Nobody wants their parents to split up.

I thought it'd be okay, but let's be honest, it's taken me almost two years to start blogging again. I'm going to say it was hard and sad and now I feel like I might be okay again just now. Why so long to recover? Because I didn't want it to end. And I had to go through therapy to understand I need to "surrender to what is." What is is that my marriage is over. But my mothering continues. And so the better I am as a whole person, the better the house is for my children. Never let anyone make you feel you are less that a mother. Especially yourself. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. And be proud that you are letting the kids get to know the real you. (I'm basically giving myself a lecture here). Until next time... xoxo AMS

Motherhood is like a sweater

Motherhood is like a sweater... my husband's big, grey sweater, that has fallen on top of my expensive skinny jeans and black tee shirt with the plunging neckline and lace trim. And I forgot I even owned those clothes. And all I can see is my husband's sweater. And those clothes still fit me, and are me, but they lie dormant under the big, floppy sweater of my husband. And that sweater represents family and how it covers me, and hides me and how I can't find me under that sweater. And that sweater is too comfy. I'm not even looking for my clothes. And I wonder why I feel strange- like I'm missing something. But I don't remember that those clothes are even there- so close. Right underneath that big sweater. That outfit that I should be wearing but I'm not wearing and I should be. I should be me. And then one crazy day I find that outfit- I move my husband's sweater- and I notice that I've been under family for so long that I resent that sweater. I push it. And I put on that outfit- and it feels so good- and I remember me. It's like I forgot my me. A Louie CK who forgot she was a Louie CK. This is our challenge as women today. Because we were having careers. We were doing things. We moving our lives up the hill. But no one really expected us to get back to it. Not until the kids were in university at least. But I'm doing it now- while the kids are still small. And I'm pretty sure that makes me a bad mommy.

8 shows only! Perfectly Norma Productions Presents: Suddenly Mommy! A comedy play written & starring Anne Marie Scheffler. Dec 3 to 8th at Theatre Passe Muraille's Mainspace.
Tues Dec 3, 7:30pm. Wed Dec 4, 2pm, 7:30pm. Thurs Dec 5, 7:30pm. Friday Dec 6, 7:30pm. Saturday Dec 7, 2pm & 7:30pm and Sunday Dec 8, 2pm. Tickets $15 advance/ $20 door.
Call 416.504.7529 Email: info@passemuraille.on.ca or visit www.artsboxoffice.ca

 https://vimeo.com/33584524

A MILF's Prayer

Dear God,
May I look just as great after I had kids as I did when I was single and looking to start a family at the car show that fateful afternoon.
May I still have a fabulous career with lots of money and excitement even though I am a mom and I sometimes don't shower for up to five days.
May my step-daughter, her mother and I all be gorgeous... and not just them... me too.
May I win an Emmy.
May I still succeed, even though I had kids.
May I get to go to yoga on a regular basis.
May I have the best situation, where my husband is in charge of the kids if I have to go away to shoot a movie or perform in front of sold out crowds, and he doesn't mind.
And may I always be there for race days for Jakey and Nathan. xoxo AMSL

My Ego Centre has officially transferred to my son Jake

It was the big cross country race at the beach this morning. I love cross country. My son Nathan was always the fastest toddler (can toddlers even be fast?) and when he was old enough, he joined the cross country team, practicing every morning at 8am, by running with the other kids around the school. We did this for three years. This year was the first year my youngest, Jake, was old enough. Jake was focused... he'd been waiting for his turn for three years, because he always wants to be like his brother. Jake would practice competitively. Mr. Taylor would say "go!" and Jake would go all out. Three weeks of mornings like this. I didn't even try to tell Jake about pacing, because, well, he's six.

Today, my head fell off. I went with the other grade one parents to the starting line, lining up with Jake and the other grade one boys. I had been here before with Nathan. For three years I had turned into my son: living race day as him. Nervous for him. Aggressive for him. God help us if they get into hockey. So, I was expecting Jake to do well, but like Nathan, somewhere around a hundred and something.

One of the other moms and I raced back to get a good spot on a hill almost at the finish line. Around the spot where you'd need to encourage a guy if he felt tired or felt like walking. And then the horn blew. We looked at the swarm of 6 year old boys running on the beach, through the trees, over the hills, and finally heading to finish line. It's a 3 K race. There's time. The first kid came in. Big stretch. Another and then another. Again I am expecting Jake to be the middle of the pack like his brother was. I counted 5 kids, and realized that if Jakey made it in the top 30, he would move on to the city finals. Maybe Jake would be in the twenties.

And then I saw him. He was running. Fast. I screamed his name. He looked for me. He ran faster. He was neck in neck with another boy. He overtook him. He crossed the finish line. Seventh. He ran into my arms. I was crying, telling him crazy things ("you're so fast!" "I'm so proud!""You did it!") and crazy enough, Jake was crying too. He buried his face in my sweater. I then was carrying him around, his face on my shoulder, his legs around my waist. Finally we were asked to come back to the group.

Other parents and kids came to laud and praise Jake. I felt the centre of the world was Jake. It was the best feeling I'd ever had. Ever. It was as if I was Jake and I was on top of the world. I joked with my fellow parents "It's not about me anymore! My ego centre has successfully transferred to my son! I am now living my life through Jake!" I know this is not an uncommon feeling. And I am sure I have felt it before, but it was so intense and glorious today, that I truly became more of a mom than I had ever been before. This is pure joy.

I joked with the other parents that Jake's method was to try and keep up with Ethan Swaby, one of his best friends in the grade ahead of him. Jake and I crowded together with the other parents, including Ethan's, as we watched the grade two boys. Ethan was one kid behind first, and then in a swell of energy, overtook him and won the race. We went ballistic! Jake burst into tears and threw himself into me. "What's wrong?" "I'm so happy, I'm crying!" And then my son also experienced joy for another. "Jake! It's great that you're crying! That's the best kind of happiness! I do it all the time! I'm still crying with happiness because of you!" And then my joyous, tearful, fast, six year old and I, went to find Ethan so Jake could hug him. That's happy.

Why let them learn to tie their shoes?

My sons are 6 and 8. We went shopping for a pair of news running shoes for Jakey (the 6 year old). "No laces please. Only velcro." I told the sales girl. I would've bought the pair that fit but Jake didn't like the looks of them. Good enough reason for me, (I am wrapped around Jake's finger). Me: "Do you like these?" Jake: "No." Me: "Why not?" Jake: "I don't know." And off we go to continue on our quest. I heard myself say it again: "velcro only." And then I cheekily added "because I don't want them to ever learn to tie their shoes..." And an image popped into my head: Nathan and Jake, in their thirties, sitting on the bench at the foyer of our house, with me bent down in front of them tying their shoes. I suppose they'll learn to tie their shoes one day. Nathan kinda already has. Kinda. I'm not helping him much, as in I just tie them for him. I don't want him to get too "I don't need you, Mom." I want him to need me forever. Bad Mommy. For now we stick with the velcro shoes. Makes me feel better somehow...

I Didn't Meet Goldie Hawn or Kurt Russell- And I'm Happy About It

I'm an actor. I always have been. It's not just a job but a state of mind. You believe in miracles. And they do happen (I once made $30,000 from a TV commercial I booked). You create entertainment for (hopefully) thousands of people out of thin air. I'm not a normal nine to fiver. And on top of it, I'm a mom, step-mom and wife.  And I've been pretty low key with the career for the last eight years. Now that the kids are bigger, I'm returning to my "authentic self." I'm getting my career back.

About eight months ago I was hired by an American producer to co-write and co-star in a Fifty Shades of Grey parody. Okay, career coming back. And lo and behold, it's a runaway hit. I have performed all over US and Canada to thousands of thrilled audience members. There are three casts now. We've sold the show to Australia. But I'm a mom, step-mom and wife. And the touring takes me away from my kids and husband and that's tough. I could be on the road all the time right now. Fancy places. Warm places. Awesome venues. Chic hotels. I have done many cities already: Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Anaheim, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh... Green Bay... to name a few. But then my marriage began to - don't say it- fall apart. And my kids and I were missing each other terribly. And I said no to some cities.

I just saw on facebook that the cast did the show in California- and Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn were in the audience. I was supposed to be doing that show. But I chose not to. So I could be with my sons. And my husband who is not a big fan of my career "state of mind." Who wants to end things, but I believe in miracles, so I'm doing what I can to keep it together. But that's a whole other story. What really impressed me and kinda surprised me is this: I really was happy for the cast out there on the road. I was not jealous but thrilled for them to meet Goldie and Kurt. And super thrilled for me. I was where I wanted to be: at home with my family. Watching movies together. Making brownies. Getting the bikes out since spring is springing right about now.

I'm not saying that I shouldn't have a career because I'm a mom. In fact I'm getting on a plane in two days to do a show in Florida. Without the kids and hubby. I wanted them to come- but there are things like school, and money. and a guy who is not thrilled with the actor part of me coming back. I am learning that life is a balance. Not all or nothing. And although it would be great to perform in front of Kurt and Goldie, my favourite celebrities are right here in my house.